There are many reasons why I am so passionate about working with women. I could go on and on about it, but rather than drown you in all that info at once, I will just pick out single reasons and write about those in individual posts!

So today, the reason I want to write about, is ‘to exist in photos’.

We are part of the selfie generation. I can remember getting my first phone, I was about 16. It was a Phillips Savvy. Do you remember those? We thought we were so awesome with those things. Didn’t even dream that one day we’d all have smartphones with inbuilt cameras, and the ability to take photos at any moment. At that time I was studying photography at college – on black and white film. But back to the point!

These days, a lot of us take photos daily. I do. I have almost 3000 photos on my phone (much to my husbands frustration, he is not as sentimental as I). But until recently, scrolling through those photos, none of them are of me. Yes, it’s my phone, so logically I would be taking the shots. There are hundreds of photos of my children. Some pretty landscapes. Things I don’t want to forget. Even pictures of clothes that I want to remember to go back and buy, tags with codes from Ikea so that I can order them later, photos of playdough creations my children have lovingly crafted. But where was I in all those photos? Where is the proof that I was there? That it was me shopping at Ikea, or me in those landscapes, or playing with my children? That it was me who made the playdough that the kids were creating with? I just wasn’t there. I didn’t do selfies, because I didn’t like the way I looked.

Then, over time, I realised. What if my time is suddenly up. What if tomorrow I am hit with some devastating news, and my whole life is turned around. What if I no longer look how I do now. Yes, I am overweight. I’m just stating a fact here. It’s one reason that I avoid being on the scary side of the camera as much as possible. My children don’t see me like that though. And I am healthy. I am well. I am not sick. What if all of a sudden something happened to me, and I no longer looked how I do today? Where would be the proof that I existed, as I am? Where would the photos be for my children to remember me by?

So from then, I decided to let my dislike for my body go. It wasn’t an easy overnight thing, and I am not all the way there yet. But I am in the process of loving myself. Because this is who I am. This is what I look like. It has absolutely zero importance on my life whether other people see me as beautiful or not. Because my children do, and my husband does. And these days, most of the time, I do. I notice the best parts of myself in the mirror and the ‘worst’ parts barely register. And I do my best to exist in photos, regularly, so that my children will have something to remember me by if and when I am gone.

They don’t have to be professional portraits, it can just be simple phone selfies. But please, for me, for you, for your family, exist in photos.

And to prove that this isn’t all just a load of waffle, here I am in various selfies with my littlest loves.

Rachel x