Barbara is terminally ill.
That’s such a horrible statement to hear, isn’t it? Hearing that kind of news about a loved one, an acquaintance, or someone you barely know – it’s always uncomfortable.
Recently when I was studying palliative care at Uni we covered a whole unit about hope. The simplified, basic message of the unit was: being close to dying does not mean the person has no hope, or feels hopeless.
Just let that sink in for a moment.
Even people at the end of life, with days to weeks left, are not necessarily feeling hopeless. They still have hope.
This struck such a deep chord with my soul that I knew straight away it was something I needed to explore.
How many times have you noticed people avoiding talking about the future with someone who is seriously ill? I’ve seen it a lot. I’ve also seen lots of friends of the unwell person pulling away, because they simply don’t know what to say and are so very scared of saying the wrong thing.
And I get that, truly I do. When my grandfather was dying I was working in a hospital ward not far from his. I visited him every day after work and we had some of the best conversations I ever had with him. And I am so glad that I had that time with him. There was no need for any kind of small talk, we just connected and talked about everything, as much as he could.
But I don’t remember specifically asking about his hopes, and what they were at that time.
I know he had a wish list of things he wanted to still be here for. The only ones I know of from the list were my graduation and my sister’s wedding, and sadly he didn’t make it to either of those.
But were they his hopes? Or were they something different? Do your hopes change when your future has become shorter? Do they have a different focus?
That is what this project is about for me. Discovering what hope means to someone who has a life limiting illness.
Thank you Barbara for welcoming me in to your beautiful home and being so open in your conversation with me. I am truly honoured to have spent that time with you, hearing your story.
Barbara is preparing an explanation of what hope means to her which I will add to this post when I can.
R x
