Tag Archive for exist in photos

Old habits…

August 16, 2015 in Uncategorized • 1 Comment

You’ve probably noticed that I bang on a bit about body image, and how important it is to love yourself. It sounds so easy when you read someone else talking about their own journey to positive self image and their achievements. It’s not though, in reality it’s a fluctuating road and can be really difficult at times.

So I want to share with you what happened when I first saw this photo.

This was taken at an exclusive launch party that I was invited to, for a lovely friend who is embarking on a new venture. I was chatting with the photographer about something, I can’t even remember what, but it was funny and while we were laughing and chatting she took this.

It popped up on my facebook feed yesterday. The VERY FIRST thought that popped into my head was “ugh I look so fat”. Then I flicked it off my screen and tried my best to forget it. And then a friend of mine shared it to a networking group which I am a member of. I felt anxious to be completely honest, because I didn’t want anyone to see me looking “so fat”. Then another friend commented how happy I looked. I realised that I was letting that nasty voice in my head, the one that is trained to take over how we feel about ourselves, talk me down. So I opened the picture and sat with it for a bit.

I tried to stop seeing my flaws, and start seeing me the way other people do. Because even though that photo does not look like how I feel on the inside, that is the way that other people do see me. That is the face my children look to for reassurance and love. That is the face that my husband sees first thing every morning and last thing at night. That is me, happy, enjoying life. Being at a function with a phenomenal group of women, who are all successful business women. Making a connection with someone I’d only just met that night. That is the face that my clients look to for reassurance that they are beautiful. And most importantly, that is the body that allows me to wake up every morning, get up, and enjoy life. It may not be the prettiest, I may not be about to grace the cover of a magazine (not that I particularly want to), but I am healthy, I am strong, and I am alive.

Rachel x

Almost 31: a reflection

May 21, 2015 in ramblings • 1 Comment

Tomorrow is my 31st birthday. Hip hip hooray! I’ve been thinking over the last week or so what this birthday means to me, and what the last year has brought for my life.

When I was in my early 20’s I’d see magazine articles saying that your 30’s are the best years of your life and so on. I used to think ‘pffft they are just reassuring themselves that they aren’t too old yet’. But you know what? It’s true. Turning 30 was no big stress for me. I don’t really think that your age has all that much to do with what you can fill your life with. But it was the start of an amazing year. We had only recently made our ‘tree change’ to the country so this year has been filled with all the adventures around that. We have made a new home for ourselves, planted an orchard, started growing our own vegies, are caring for goats (who are hopefully pregnant, fingers crossed!), sheep, chickens, getting ready to have a beehive, generally being more self sufficient. Our eldest daughter has started at school and it is going splendidly. This year, and being 30, has been about focusing on the important things. I suppose what is important to me has changed.

I discovered Taryn Brumfitt and the Body Image Movement during the last year. If you haven’t heard of it, please do yourself a favour and look her up. I don’t know if it’s turning 30 or something else, but I have ditched my negative mindframe about my body. I have been running (say what?!!) and seeing a personal trainer. And it’s not to lose weight, my focus is to be strong. I want to be fit and healthy for as long as possible so that I can continue enjoying my life and being here for my children. The size of my body and what it weighs is nothing to do with anything. If I can run around with my children, and swing them into my arms, and be here for them – that is what matters. I participated in my first ever City to Casino fun run, I walked most of the way but did run for a few short sections and am happy with the time it took me. I am sorting out my minor health issues. I have the most debilitating periods that leave me with low iron levels and wipe me out for at least 2 days a month and I have always just dealt with them, but I have realised that actually I don’t have to. I am looking forward to getting those under control!

My business has continued its journey to focus on mostly women’s beauty portraits. I love, love, love helping women see how beautiful they are. I am starting to spend more time on creative portraits as well – I think that working on personal projects helps me to find inspiration in all kinds of places which I can then use in my other work.

I’m pretty excited to see where the next year of being in my 30’s brings! But for now, I have some editing work calling my name 🙂

Rach x

Barbara – the Hope project

February 28, 2015 in personal project • 2 Comments

Barbara is terminally ill.

That’s such a horrible statement to hear, isn’t it? Hearing that kind of news about a loved one, an acquaintance, or someone you barely know – it’s always uncomfortable.

Recently when I was studying palliative care at Uni we covered a whole unit about hope. The simplified, basic message of the unit was: being close to dying does not mean the person has no hope, or feels hopeless.

Just let that sink in for a moment.

Even people at the end of life, with days to weeks left, are not necessarily feeling hopeless. They still have hope.

This struck such a deep chord with my soul that I knew straight away it was something I needed to explore.

How many times have you noticed people avoiding talking about the future with someone who is seriously ill? I’ve seen it a lot. I’ve also seen lots of friends of the unwell person pulling away, because they simply don’t know what to say and are so very scared of saying the wrong thing.

And I get that, truly I do. When my grandfather was dying I was working in a hospital ward not far from his. I visited him every day after work and we had some of the best conversations I ever had with him. And I am so glad that I had that time with him. There was no need for any kind of small talk, we just connected and talked about everything, as much as he could.

But I don’t remember specifically asking about his hopes, and what they were at that time.

I know he had a wish list of things he wanted to still be here for. The only ones I know of from the list were my graduation and my sister’s wedding, and sadly he didn’t make it to either of those.

But were they his hopes? Or were they something different? Do your hopes change when your future has become shorter? Do they have a different focus?

That is what this project is about for me. Discovering what hope means to someone who has a life limiting illness.

Thank you Barbara for welcoming me in to your beautiful home and being so open in your conversation with me. I am truly honoured to have spent that time with you, hearing your story.

Barbara is preparing an explanation of what hope means to her which I will add to this post when I can.

R x

10 on 10 – January 2015

January 12, 2015 in lifestyle, personal project • 0 Comments

A while back I was doing a personal project called ’10 on 10′. On the 10th day of the month, I would take 10 photos of whatever we were doing. So roughly one an hour throughout the day. I found it easier than the photo a day challenges because I never last more than a couple of weeks with those! But I did get a bit slack and stopped doing it a few months ago… However, new year, new attempt! Let’s see if I can remember to do it every month 🙂

I love looking back on previous ones as a glimpse of what our life was like with little babies and compare that to now. I hope you enjoy the little peek into our daily lives too! R x

Exist in photos

November 23, 2014 in ramblings • 4 Comments

There are many reasons why I am so passionate about working with women. I could go on and on about it, but rather than drown you in all that info at once, I will just pick out single reasons and write about those in individual posts!

So today, the reason I want to write about, is ‘to exist in photos’.

We are part of the selfie generation. I can remember getting my first phone, I was about 16. It was a Phillips Savvy. Do you remember those? We thought we were so awesome with those things. Didn’t even dream that one day we’d all have smartphones with inbuilt cameras, and the ability to take photos at any moment. At that time I was studying photography at college – on black and white film. But back to the point!

These days, a lot of us take photos daily. I do. I have almost 3000 photos on my phone (much to my husbands frustration, he is not as sentimental as I). But until recently, scrolling through those photos, none of them are of me. Yes, it’s my phone, so logically I would be taking the shots. There are hundreds of photos of my children. Some pretty landscapes. Things I don’t want to forget. Even pictures of clothes that I want to remember to go back and buy, tags with codes from Ikea so that I can order them later, photos of playdough creations my children have lovingly crafted. But where was I in all those photos? Where is the proof that I was there? That it was me shopping at Ikea, or me in those landscapes, or playing with my children? That it was me who made the playdough that the kids were creating with? I just wasn’t there. I didn’t do selfies, because I didn’t like the way I looked.

Then, over time, I realised. What if my time is suddenly up. What if tomorrow I am hit with some devastating news, and my whole life is turned around. What if I no longer look how I do now. Yes, I am overweight. I’m just stating a fact here. It’s one reason that I avoid being on the scary side of the camera as much as possible. My children don’t see me like that though. And I am healthy. I am well. I am not sick. What if all of a sudden something happened to me, and I no longer looked how I do today? Where would be the proof that I existed, as I am? Where would the photos be for my children to remember me by?

So from then, I decided to let my dislike for my body go. It wasn’t an easy overnight thing, and I am not all the way there yet. But I am in the process of loving myself. Because this is who I am. This is what I look like. It has absolutely zero importance on my life whether other people see me as beautiful or not. Because my children do, and my husband does. And these days, most of the time, I do. I notice the best parts of myself in the mirror and the ‘worst’ parts barely register. And I do my best to exist in photos, regularly, so that my children will have something to remember me by if and when I am gone.

They don’t have to be professional portraits, it can just be simple phone selfies. But please, for me, for you, for your family, exist in photos.

And to prove that this isn’t all just a load of waffle, here I am in various selfies with my littlest loves.

Rachel x