Tag Archive for me

proud parent right here

February 10, 2016 in ramblings • 0 Comments

I had one of those rare moments today where I felt like I might actually be doing something right with my parenting. You know, most days are just a mish mash of trying to organise children, trying to get them from A to B without losing your shit, trying to locate lost shoes for the 700th time in an hour, trying to keep your cool, trying to get them to eat something – anything – vaguely nutritious in a 24 hour period. It’s chaotic, really. And some nights my head hits the pillow and I end up rehashing all the things I did wrong that day. I yelled too much. I accidentally swore at someone while driving. I shut myself in the bathroom for 5 minutes because they would not stop fighting. I feel like I didn’t give them enough love. There’s always something to criticize.

Today though, today was like… a little golden beam breaking through the worry of my potential failure at parenting. My eldest has quite a few new children in her class this year. Her best friends are still with her but a lot of the classes got mixed up together, which is fine. During her first week there were a few little incidents with a child she hasn’t had much to do with before. Let’s call this kid Sarah, just for ease of storytelling. Basically Sarah had a couple of little violent outbursts and hurt my daughter and her friends. It wasn’t anything unmanageable. It was handled really well by the teacher. But when Lacie came home and told me that someone had hurt her I felt myself go into panic mode. I was bullied as a kid, and it is my biggest fear that my children will go through that. Or, potentially worse, do that to someone else. It was really emotionally scarring what I went through and it has taken me a long time to work through some leftover issues from that. So when she told me what had happened I could feel my chest tightening and my hands go clammy and my mind started to swim with memories of things that happened to me.

Then she said to me “Sarah is just a really mean person”. My head instantly cleared and I stopped her there. My husband and I had a huge chat with her about how a naughty act doesn’t make a person bad, it’s just an act. It takes a lot more than that for someone to be a mean person. We talked about how it’s easy to judge someone based on one act but if that was the case then people would never get another chance. She has the occasional violent outburst herself, and we reminded her of that as well. It was a good talk and I could see she was processing everything we had gone over with her.

Today in the car after school, I asked her how her day was. I got the usual: “good”. A few moments later though, she announced that she and Sarah are now friends. I asked what had happened to turn things around and she said she had talked to her and reminded her that they played together sometimes last year and it would be nice if they could play together again instead of fighting. And it worked.

I swear my heart nearly exploded out of my chest. Here I had been worrying about how I should best be handling this, what we are supposed to do in this situation, what is the right thing to tell her… and my little 5 year old just walked right on up to this kid who was trying to hurt her friends and sorted it out. Just like that. Kids are freaking amazing!! And, not to take the credit away from her (because seriously – high fives all round in our house) but somewhere along the line we must have done something a little bit right with our parenting for her to be able to do that.

Crisis averted – phew!

Rach x

2016 – the year of authenticity

January 26, 2016 in News • 1 Comment

You know, when you start a business, information comes from so many places. Social media and the Internet in general have created this massive explosion of knowledge and opinions. There are hundreds, probably thousands, of online articles about starting a business. I stumbled upon one last night while looking for a sewing pattern. It was about starting a craft business, something like “8 easy steps to starting a business selling things you make”. I took a squiz just to pass the time and it made me laugh with how ridiculous it was. The steps were things like get a better sewing machine. Make things that people want to buy. Change what you are making to something that is currently fashionable. There wasn’t a single point that mentioned loving what you do, or working with what you already have, or running a business with your whole hearted passion. How sad is that?

It got me thinking about my own business and how I do things. I have always been a photographer, in as much as I have always loved taking photos. I decided to start doing it as a job because I enjoy it. I love it. There is something magical about capturing someone’s essence in a photo. About documenting their spark to be remembered for all the years to come, even after they have left this world. I could spend hours looking at old photographs in second hand stores. Those glimpses into someone else’s life just make my soul feel alive.

When I started my business I did what most people probably do and gathered as much information as I could. Now my dad has been self employed for as long as I can remember. He has always used his own name for his business, and has always just gotten on with things. He didn’t have social media or the Internet. He used to advertise when work was quiet, and not worry about it when he was busy. He had a really good reputation and most of his business was word of mouth. It was built on years and years of hard work and a wonderful work ethic, as well as making sure that his customers were always happy with the job he did. It wasn’t built on Facebook likes or Instagram followers.

All the reading I did about building a business focused mostly on creating an online presence, gaining followers, Google ratings and so on. A completely different ball game. There is so much focus on making your website and social media pages include content that will reach more viewers. Facebook algorithms change at the drop of a hat. All these business coaches and social media masters tell you that your posts need to include a, b & c to get seen. Pictures get more views. Videos even more. There is never any emphasis on actually being you. On being authentic. On doing everything with love or passion or genuine intentions.

So many times I have found myself staring at that blinking cursor. I’ve had something to say, share, something that made my heart happy. But then all that information on SEO and the ever changing landscape of social media would crowd my head and I’d end up struggling to write anything in case I did it “wrong”. In case it didn’t reach enough people or help my online presence. Sometimes I didn’t write anything at all. Sometimes I would manage to piece something together but often it wouldn’t feel like me writing it. I love writing. I used to love nothing more than being able to spill out whatever was on my mind onto a page. It helps me sort through things. To be sitting there unable to write is such a strange and unsettling feeling.

The start of 2016 had me thinking about change, as the start of a new year usually does. I decided that I don’t want my business to feel like hard work. I love photo shoots, I love editing, I love giving a box of gorgeous prints on the most amazing paper to people and knowing how much they love them. But the constant drag of trying to sell myself online was starting to get to me. I decided that I want this year to be the start of a new shift in my business. I want to be more authentic. I want to share what I’m feeling, things I love, the reality of me. Because this business is me. It bears my name, it is the realization of years of loving something and wanting to share it with the world. It’s not a sterile, impersonal corporation. This is my love, my joy. So why shouldn’t it reflect that? My dad never worried about if he was getting Facebook hits. He just went out and got on with it, and did what he did with passion and commitment. And that’s what I’m going to do. I’m totally aware that it may not do anything for my social media presence. I don’t particularly mind. It’s more important to me that someone associates Rachel Baker Photography with me as a person and my work, instead of worrying about how popular my website might be.

So welcome to a new year and a new, more real version of me. I will probably be writing more blog posts, and sharing more of my own photos. Less of the “life in the highlight reel”, more of the reality. I do hope you’ll stick around to see the changes, but I understand if it’s not really what you are looking for from me.

Much love to you all,

Rach xxx

Old habits…

August 16, 2015 in Uncategorized • 1 Comment

You’ve probably noticed that I bang on a bit about body image, and how important it is to love yourself. It sounds so easy when you read someone else talking about their own journey to positive self image and their achievements. It’s not though, in reality it’s a fluctuating road and can be really difficult at times.

So I want to share with you what happened when I first saw this photo.

This was taken at an exclusive launch party that I was invited to, for a lovely friend who is embarking on a new venture. I was chatting with the photographer about something, I can’t even remember what, but it was funny and while we were laughing and chatting she took this.

It popped up on my facebook feed yesterday. The VERY FIRST thought that popped into my head was “ugh I look so fat”. Then I flicked it off my screen and tried my best to forget it. And then a friend of mine shared it to a networking group which I am a member of. I felt anxious to be completely honest, because I didn’t want anyone to see me looking “so fat”. Then another friend commented how happy I looked. I realised that I was letting that nasty voice in my head, the one that is trained to take over how we feel about ourselves, talk me down. So I opened the picture and sat with it for a bit.

I tried to stop seeing my flaws, and start seeing me the way other people do. Because even though that photo does not look like how I feel on the inside, that is the way that other people do see me. That is the face my children look to for reassurance and love. That is the face that my husband sees first thing every morning and last thing at night. That is me, happy, enjoying life. Being at a function with a phenomenal group of women, who are all successful business women. Making a connection with someone I’d only just met that night. That is the face that my clients look to for reassurance that they are beautiful. And most importantly, that is the body that allows me to wake up every morning, get up, and enjoy life. It may not be the prettiest, I may not be about to grace the cover of a magazine (not that I particularly want to), but I am healthy, I am strong, and I am alive.

Rachel x

Exist in photos

November 23, 2014 in ramblings • 4 Comments

There are many reasons why I am so passionate about working with women. I could go on and on about it, but rather than drown you in all that info at once, I will just pick out single reasons and write about those in individual posts!

So today, the reason I want to write about, is ‘to exist in photos’.

We are part of the selfie generation. I can remember getting my first phone, I was about 16. It was a Phillips Savvy. Do you remember those? We thought we were so awesome with those things. Didn’t even dream that one day we’d all have smartphones with inbuilt cameras, and the ability to take photos at any moment. At that time I was studying photography at college – on black and white film. But back to the point!

These days, a lot of us take photos daily. I do. I have almost 3000 photos on my phone (much to my husbands frustration, he is not as sentimental as I). But until recently, scrolling through those photos, none of them are of me. Yes, it’s my phone, so logically I would be taking the shots. There are hundreds of photos of my children. Some pretty landscapes. Things I don’t want to forget. Even pictures of clothes that I want to remember to go back and buy, tags with codes from Ikea so that I can order them later, photos of playdough creations my children have lovingly crafted. But where was I in all those photos? Where is the proof that I was there? That it was me shopping at Ikea, or me in those landscapes, or playing with my children? That it was me who made the playdough that the kids were creating with? I just wasn’t there. I didn’t do selfies, because I didn’t like the way I looked.

Then, over time, I realised. What if my time is suddenly up. What if tomorrow I am hit with some devastating news, and my whole life is turned around. What if I no longer look how I do now. Yes, I am overweight. I’m just stating a fact here. It’s one reason that I avoid being on the scary side of the camera as much as possible. My children don’t see me like that though. And I am healthy. I am well. I am not sick. What if all of a sudden something happened to me, and I no longer looked how I do today? Where would be the proof that I existed, as I am? Where would the photos be for my children to remember me by?

So from then, I decided to let my dislike for my body go. It wasn’t an easy overnight thing, and I am not all the way there yet. But I am in the process of loving myself. Because this is who I am. This is what I look like. It has absolutely zero importance on my life whether other people see me as beautiful or not. Because my children do, and my husband does. And these days, most of the time, I do. I notice the best parts of myself in the mirror and the ‘worst’ parts barely register. And I do my best to exist in photos, regularly, so that my children will have something to remember me by if and when I am gone.

They don’t have to be professional portraits, it can just be simple phone selfies. But please, for me, for you, for your family, exist in photos.

And to prove that this isn’t all just a load of waffle, here I am in various selfies with my littlest loves.

Rachel x